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  • Writer's pictureSara

Kinks vs Fetishes

Today, we will dive into the fascinating topic of kinks and fetishes. There's so much to discuss on this subject, but we'll have to keep it concise, so let's gooo.

Understanding the Distinction Between Kink and Fetish

Human sexuality is a complex and multifaceted aspect of our lives, encompassing a wide range of desires and interests. In today's discussion, the focal points are 'kink' and 'fetish,' two terms frequently used interchangeably but carrying distinct sexual connotations.

Unsurprisingly, not everyone has a kink or fetish, as sexual preferences and interests vary widely among people. While there are a lot of humans who have somewhat conventional or mainstream sexual desires and practices (aka 'vanilla' (-:), many individuals have kinks or fetishes. Often, people have fantasies and desires, but never act on them.

Kink is mainly about exploring and experimenting with different erotic behaviours and scenarios that may not necessarily be part of the mainstream sexual experience. It is usually a form of fantasy, a spicy addition to one's sex lives, also not necessarily tied to achieving orgasm. Think spanking, bondage, voyeurism, or anything else that ventures beyond the confines of conventional bedroom activities - sometimes even transcending bedroom boundaries entirely - think outdoor spaces like parks, beaches - the 'high mile club', anyone? :)

One popular example of kink in pop culture is the novel (and subsequent films) "Fifty Shades of Grey." The very well-known story revolves around BDSM (an abbreviation for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism) practices, which the characters explore consensually. While this may be considered kinky, it is not necessarily a fetish, as the main characters still engage in conventional sexual activities outside of their BDSM experiences. Oh - the good old times when Fifty Shades of Grey was a bestseller, with nearly every person in London reading it! I remember seeing people on the train, in shopping centres, on park benches... just quietly sitting there, with their phones put away in their bags or pockets, engrossed in the naughty book and completely 'immersed' in the fantasy world. What a great time this was!

Additionally, depending on factors like age or cultural conservatism, using sex toys during intercourse might be considered kinky by some, while others might deem it vanilla. Similarly, cunnilingus, an ordinary sexual practice for many, might seem kinky to a select few but I believe that this would be considered a routine by most of us.

In contrast to kinks, fetishes are usually an integral part of one's sexual life, often defining it in a significant way. Fetish is often a specific sexual fixation or reliance on a particular object, body part, or situation to achieve sexual arousal or satisfaction. It involves a strong and often exclusive attraction to something outside the norm of sexual desire. For example: feet or back or latex/leather clothing.

Fetishes can vary greatly among individuals, and what is necessary for one person's sexual satisfaction may not be the same for another. Fetishes are complex and deeply personal aspects of sexuality.

The Examples

Let's look at some examples of kinks and fetishes, and explore some ideas on how these can be incorporated into your massage sessions. If you have anything to add - I am all ears! (-;

The Kinks:

Role-playing: A very common kink. This involves engaging in all sorts of sensual scenarios where partners take on different roles, such as a doctor-patient role-play or a teacher-student role-play. Another interesting example would be a masseuse-customer role play, where the customer books a 'Swedish' massage, which then turns spicy. 🔥🔥

Bondage: Bondage enthusiasts enjoy being tied up or tying up their partners during sexual activities. It often involves the use of restraints like ropes, cuffs, or bondage tape. This can be easily incorporated into the massage session, with various gentle yet effective cuffs available.

Worth mentioning: Kinbaku-Shibari is an exciting art of bondage (with a somewhat complex history), which has made its way to us from Japan. A separate blog post will eventually be written on this magical artwork.

Cuckolding: When a man enjoys watching their partner have intercourse with other people. A female cuckold is referred to as cuckquean.

Searches for this kink has gone up online, and, according to Google Trends, 'the UK is second only to the Netherlands in searches for the kink.' (source: Esquire). Naughty Britain... :)

Spanking: A classic spice - loved by many! Spanking by hands... or fancy a spanking paddle? Or dare being belted? So many varieties in the world of spanking...

Foot Play: Some people are aroused by feet. Activities might include foot massages, foot worship, or incorporating feet into sexual acts.

Sensory Deprivation Fetish: Some people desire sensory deprivation, like being blindfolded or bound, have music playing in their headphones whilst they are being teased to the max! , to achieve orgasm. The loss of sensory input heightens their other sensations, intensifying sexual pleasure. Sensory deprivation can be incredibly exciting, but it is important that consent is always sought, as the Receiver here can be in a vulnerable place (restrained movement, hearing etc).

The Fetishes:

Latex Fetish: People with a latex fetish are aroused by the sensation of wearing or seeing others in latex clothing, such as latex gloves, catsuits, or stockings. This can be easily incorporated into almost any play!

Object Fetish: Some individuals have fetishes for inanimate objects like shoes, gloves, or even specific types of furniture. These objects become the focus of their sexual desire.

Foot Fetish (Podophilia): Feet again! People with a foot fetish are highly aroused by feet. For most people with feet fetish, the presence of feet or foot-related activities, such as foot massages or foot worship, is essential for sexual arousal and orgasm.

Balloon Fetish (Looning): Looners, individuals with a balloon fetish, are sexually aroused by balloons. Yup, you read that right. The act of inflating, popping, or playing with balloons is integral to their sexual satisfaction.

Medical Fetish (MedFet): Those with a medical fetish are aroused by medical scenarios, equipment, or procedures. This fetish may involve role-playing as doctors or patients and using medical instruments in sexual activities.

Underwear: This is a very common fetish among men. Some get sexual gratification from wearing underwear - the desires here vary, it could be a very specific piece - such as red laced thongs - or latex underwear etc. Others might want to sniff an underwear which has previously been worn by someone else, or they may enjoy watching someone put their underwear on. The list goes on, but you get the idea.

I will leave it here for now (after all- blog posts should not be overly long, right?), but if you wish to read more, then I shall leave you with some interesting ideas for your reading list!

To understand the differences between kinks and fetishes and delve deeper into the psychology behind them, you can explore the following resources:

  1. Pychology Today: They have several articles on sexuality and fetishes. You can use their search feature to find specific articles that discuss the differences between kinks and fetishes. There really are plenty and I have also used them as an inspiration for this post.

  2. Kinkly: Kinkly is a website that offers information and resources about sexuality, including articles that explain various sexual terms, kinks, and fetishes. It is incredibly interesting, provides lots and lots of information for everyone who is sexually curious and hungry to learn more!

  3. Sexuality and Relationship Education: The website "Sexuality and Relationship Education" provides comprehensive information on various aspects of human sexuality, including discussions about kinks and fetishes.

  4. BDSM Wiki: While primarily focused on BDSM, this wiki contains definitions and explanations for many related terms. The only Wiki you will need today!

Fetish in literary works:

The exploration of fetishes and related topics in literature has a long history, and numerous authors have delved into this subject matter over the years. While it's challenging to attribute the first books specifically dedicated to fetishes, there are some notable authors and works that have contributed to the discussion of sexual fetishes and related themes. Here are a few:

Marquis de Sade: The infamous French writer Marquis de Sade (1740-1814) is known for his explicit and controversial works that explore themes of sadism, masochism, and sexual deviation. His writings, including "Justine" and "The 120 Days of Sodom," feature explicit content and discussions of sexual fetishes. The word sadism was coined based on his works and surname!

De Sade's works are not merely erotic fiction; they are provocative philosophical treatises that challenge societal norms and explore the darkest corners of human desire! He pushed the boundaries of sexual literature, testing the limits of what could be written and published during his time.

De Sade's writings have generated significant debate and controversy over the years. Some view them as important pieces of literary and philosophical history, while others see them as disturbing and dangerous. His works have inspired discussions about censorship, the boundaries of free expression, and the ethical limits of art. Additionally, Marquis de Sade's literary works, though controversial, have played a significant role in the ongoing dialogue about sexual literature, freedom of expression, and the exploration of human desire.

Marquis de Sade. (source: Wikipedia)

Leopold von Sacher-Masoch: The term "masochism" was derived from the Austrian writer Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (1836-1895), known for his novel "Venus in Furs." The book explores themes of dominance and submission, often associated with BDSM and fetishistic practices.

Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (source: Wikipedia)

Other well known erotic/BDSM/etc writers also include:

  1. Algernon Charles Swinburne: The English poet was known for his fascination with flagellation (a term we have not covered in this post, which relates to flogging or whipping is the act of beating the human body with special implements such as whips, rods, switches, etc) and wrote many poems and essays exploring this fetishistic interest.

  2. Leopold Ritter von Sacher-Masoch: The brother of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, Leopold Ritter von Sacher-Masoch, was also an author who explored fetishistic themes. His works include "The Confessions of Wanda von Sacher-Masoch" and "The Mysteries of Perversity."

  3. Anais Nin: Anais Nin, a prominent writer of erotic literature in the 20th century, explored various aspects of human sexuality, including BDSM and fetishes, in her diaries and erotic stories.

  4. Georges Bataille: French writer Georges Bataille (1897-1962) wrote extensively on themes of eroticism, transgression, and taboo, often delving into fetishistic elements in his works. Some of his literary works include: "Story of the Eye" This novella is one of Bataille's most well-known works and is a surreal and highly erotic exploration of taboo sexuality or "Erotism: Death and Sensuality": In this influential essay, Bataille examines the connection between eroticism, taboo, and death, and how these factors shape human behaviour and culture. What a shame they did not let us read any erotica in high school! :)

  5. Henry Miller: He was an American writer known for his provocative and explicit literary style. His 'Tropic of Cancer' challenged the boundaries of censorship and was banned in several countries due to its explicit content. Interestingly, he and Anais Nin had a close relationship. Their passionate and often explicit correspondence can be found online! Together, they played a significant role in shaping the landscape of erotic literature in the 20th century.

Aaaaand - this is it for today. Hope you learnt something new! :)



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