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  • Writer's pictureSara

Why Do So Many People Have a Very Average Sex? On the Importance of Honest and Open Communication

I'm sure we've all had our fair share of lackluster sexual encounters, even with partners we were incredibly attracted to. And perhaps it wasn't all too bad—overall, things may feel quite nice, but they're just not quite as mind-blowing as we expected.


Reflecting on some of these encounters from my past, I've come to realise that the missing ingredient often boils down to a serious lack of openness and communication. Like many others, my early education on sex came from a mix of porn and the tantalising Q&A sections of teenage magazines. Yet, as I delved into the world of online pornography, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing. Sure, there were very good looking people engaging in various interesting acts, but the experience lacked a vital component—genuine connection and intimacy. It seemed to be all about shedding clothes as quickly as possible, with minimal focus on genuine pleasure or exploration, with a quick oral sex here and there, and then straight to the 'main event'!




A stark realisation hit me when I stumbled upon a sex show in Amsterdam's infamous Red Light District. Amidst the theatrical performances of various sexual acts, including FF, FMM, FM, the atmosphere felt oddly disconnected and contrived. It dawned on me—why do so many people seem to skip over the nuances of foreplay? Don't they yearn for the mindblowing sensations of kisses trailing across their naked skin, or the tantalising touch of their lover's hand, running across their back, thighs, nipples?


I wish that sex education and discussions around intimacy weren't shrouded in taboo. The vast majority of people have watched porn or read erotica. Sex/sexual content is all around us, particularly in the digital 2024. And yet, we often feel ashamed to discuss anything sexual even with some of our closest friends. Are we worried about being judged? Maybe... However, I bet that we would all be surprised if we knew what our colleagues/friends/family are into... (;


Through my wonderful work in the sensual world, I've gained a profound appreciation for the intricacies of intimacy and sensuality. I've discovered that pure intimacy is a true bliss in itself, and intercourse is not the sole path to a fulfilling and explosive experience.


Now, let's delve into why I firmly believe that openness and honesty are paramount in fostering fulfilling sexual experiences and intimate connections with our partners—whether they're one-off encounters or long-term relationships.


Reason No.1: The Importance of Communicating and Understanding Desires and Boundaries: Open communication allows partners to express their desires, preferences, and boundaries, paving the way for mutually satisfying experiences. For instance, I know men and women who allow their partners to perform oral sex on them, but they (the receivers) wish that the partners did something differently - like use less tongue, or less teeth... and so on:) However, they are too worried about hurting their partner's feelings and say nothing to them as a result. If we deliver a constructive feedback gently and openly, the partner can learn from it. We are all different and works for one may not be the case for the other. Let's normalise being honest about what we want/deliver constructive feedback gently. Also, by sharing our desires openly, we will allow for the partner to focus on what truly pleases us and vice versa! Win-win! (;


Reason No.2: Building Trust and Connection: Again, honest, pure dialogue between lovers fosters trust and emotional intimacy, deepening the connection between the partners and enhancing overall satisfaction. Once the ice has been broken, the conversation can hopefully flow naturally from there, leading to a divine experience for both!



Reason no.3: Navigating Challenges and Letting Go of Fears: Effective communication enables partners to navigate challenges or concerns that may arise during sexual encounters, fostering resilience and understanding. It does not have to be perfect, but so many imperfections can be fixed when there is trust and openness - and all cards are on the table! :)



Anyway, it's past 1 am now and I have to be up early. I shall be back with another post soon-ish:)

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